Divorce is an all too familiar part of modern life, but that unfortunate reality doesn’t make it any less harrowing when it happens to you. No one gets married anticipating that their relationship will end in divorce, and the breakup of a relationship can be difficult for everyone involved. Getting divorced can, for a time, significantly affect your mental health.
For some people, their divorce may have been gradually gaining momentum for quite some time. Lack of common ground, disinterest, boredom plus increased disrespect may have meant that the couple have simply been sharing the same roof, but little else. Then there are those who may have felt their relationship was fine until a divorce filing hit them like a bolt from the blue; shocking, devastating and completely unexpected.
Yes, living together requires hard work, commitment and open channels of communication in which to discuss irritations and disagreements, in the hope of reaching a better understanding. If that doesn’t happen, perhaps for many valid reasons like work, kids, feeling stressed or overtired, it can be all too easy to slip into an autopilot existence, performing routine daily activities, collapsing in bed at night and then repeat it all over again the next day. Sounds familiar?
But living like this brings its own stresses and pressures, which can ultimately affect our relationship and our mental health. If we feel increasingly invisible, less important than others, stressed, with little time, money, or energy to do what we want or would like to do, this can introduce a sloppy, unattractive, and boring mentality, in which we almost lose ourselves. we move away from participating fully. in the life. We may not even recognize ourselves in our first wedding photos: what happened to that person?
How many of us start our marriage with the mantra, start how you want to continue? But, as the honeymoon phase passes, it is often replaced by everyday reality, and growing pains are often experienced in the relationship; small doubts, uncertainties and criticisms may arise. The weary ‘why don’t you?’, ‘I wish you didn’t’, raised eyebrow or sigh can all be signs that our partner has become a little exasperated by our peculiar habits or behaviors.
We may be able to work through the stresses, talk about them, but for some people receiving criticism or rejection from someone they love can be the ultimate rejection, where they feel compelled to try harder, be better, improve, and do more. And if that doesn’t have the desired effect, where do they go from there? It is often a huge blow to their confidence and self esteem when they see themselves heading for a divorce!
People who have been living in a highly critical or loveless relationship for a long time can experience a significant erosion of their mental state; Depression, low mood, insomnia, lack of self-confidence and self-confidence are not uncommon as a consequence.
Let’s look at ways to support your mental health after your divorce;
– Share how you feel with a trusted friend or confidante. It’s good to have an ally who is there to offer support and reassurance. Or your family doctor or spiritual advisor can be a valuable source of help. Similarly, setting aside time with a therapist could be a positive way to unravel some of the negativity that builds up during the deterioration of your relationship and subsequent divorce.
– Accept that your ex-partner now feels differently about you and the relationship, an opinion that has been formed over time, encompassing many different experiences. Their opinion of you is simply their perspective. It doesn’t define who you are. They both changed and drifted apart over time, which led to their divorce.
– It is often necessary to make quick decisions after a divorce, particularly in relation to housing, education and obtaining money. Try to avoid big, hasty decisions that could have long-term implications, and instead perhaps share a house with a friend, with the goal of keeping things as familiar as possible at first. Take time to grieve, heal, and consider what you’d like to do next, perhaps starting by working part-time.
– Formulate ideas and plans. for a positive future, no matter how far away it feels. Yes, money may be tight, children may require your full attention, but try to schedule time windows for yourself, even if you are going for a walk, reading a book, calling a friend for a chat, enrolling in an online course, or even dip your toe in the water with a dating site.
– Be proactive. You may have lost your old circle of friends for a variety of reasons, so start building a new group, more suited to your current circumstances. Other parents, neighbors, coworkers, even online forums and social media can offer support, companionship, and help to improve her mood. Discovering that you are not alone, that others have had similar feelings and experiences from which they have recovered, can offer you invaluable comfort and reassurance.
As you move into the next stage of your life, agree to be kind to yourself, but also be receptive to new ideas, to things you’ve never considered before. He opens his mind to the possibilities of his new life after the divorce. You’re not just moving forward, you’re starting over!