Often what we fear never comes to pass. We spend our entire lives fearing or worrying about some eventuality that never happens. And often we worry wildly out of proportion to what might actually happen. The bottom line is that none of the fear, and the resulting anxiety, stress, and distraction from it all, really does any good. It reduces our ability to be intuitive or even present in our lives, and leads to a serious deterioration of our health and, in particular, of our immune system.
Fear is different from fear, which is a here-and-now reaction to an immediate threat that requires immediate action. Fright triggers the flight or fight response and is a natural survival mechanism. Fear, on the other hand, is a nebulous, indefinite projection of a possible danger in the future that may or may not occur. It keeps us in the flight or fight response mode, but there is nothing to fight against. Therefore, the brain and the body no longer distinguish what is real from what is anticipated.
It’s irrational, yet for many of us worry and fear are major components of our sleepless days and nights. To measure your “fear quotient”, check the statements below that ring true:
o Better to leave things as they are. This situation isn’t great, but something different could easily be worse.
o If I don’t take care of this project myself, it just won’t go well. Nobody cares as much as I do.
o People really can’t know what is right for themselves. I am safer following the rules of authority (parents, church, peer groups, etc.)
o Stability is built from “tried and true” and “staying on the right track.”
o Society would be chaotic if we did not act from a sense of duty and obligation.
These statements reflect the main categories of fear or concern. But a healthy and intrepid perspective sees these categories differently:
Change: Change is natural and beneficial. It is necessary for growth and improvement. If everything remained static, there would be no possibility of a raise, a better job, that new relationship, weight loss, and other goals.
Confidence: Everyone demonstrates their true values and virtues. It is up to each of us to recognize and act on that information, and in our best interest. Courage and conviction allow us to experience the highest level of confidence possible.
Control: Control problems arise when we don’t trust that we can handle the events and experiences that come up in our lives. Trying to control nature, reality, or others is impossible and is based on feelings of inadequacy and low self-image.
Guilt: Guilt has a purpose. It alerts us to the possibility that we have done something contrary to reality or our personal philosophy. When true, a correction should be made as quickly as possible. Then let go of the guilt. If the feeling of guilt is unfounded, there is no point in maintaining the guilt.
Duty, Responsibility, or Obligation: When a person’s actions are based on duty, it implies that their value system would dictate a different course of action. Free choice is the only proper relationship to one’s life and values, and to each other, that results in health, happiness, and sustainability.
Freeing ourselves from our fears is not an easy process. But the first step is to become aware that fear is a perspective, not a truth. From that awareness, we can choose to retain that perspective or work to replace it with the satisfying life we all deserve.