In case you haven’t heard, there is an impetuous new movement underway to make America a nonaligned nation. The main motivation behind the movement is worldwide ingratitude for the sacrifices America has made for the benefit of other nations, while receiving very little in return, materially or even in simple gratitude.
Certainly, the group maintains, the reward in any of its forms has not been proportional to the sacrifices that the United States has made in life and treasure. Members cite, for example, the summit of nonaligned nations in Cuba, where attendees, whom Jimmy Cagney might have called “you dirty and treacherous rats,” reveled in puffing Cuban cigar smoke in the United States.
Raúl Castro, the distinguished and poor substitute for his equally distinguished and poor older brother, evoked the enthusiastic applause characteristic of a suppressed need for self-justification when he said that today’s world is shaped by the “irrationality” of the United States. claims of world domination … When there is no longer a Cold War, the United States spends a billion dollars a year on weapons and soldiers and wastes a similar amount on commercial advertising. absurd idea. “
Responding to the comment, a leader of the movement to make America a nonaligned nation said: “Okay, Raul, we listen to you. So let’s go. Launch another boat full of refugees to bring us to our knees.”
The new movement, which has its origins in the will of the founders, who proclaimed that the United States should avoid permanent external entanglements, is preparing a new flag, much like the well-known colonial war cry on cloth: “Don’t tread on me. “It’s being sewn by a talented seamstress in New England named Victoria Albatross. The banner will highlight the sentiment of the movement, “Never cheated again!”
The powers that divide Washington, wounded by the series of U.S. military missteps abroad, have already begun to express private support for America’s groundbreaking return to the sentiments of its founders and the utterly radical idea that its citizens may actually have the right to “life.” , freedom, and [of all things] the pursuit of happiness “rather than the heavy and thankless burdens of trying to steer the world in your own image.
Even George Bush, caught in an unprepared moment returning from a bike ride in Crawford, Texas, said: “I’m not generally a fan of the movements, unless it is a movement to elect me or some other Republican. Regardless of what a jerk he is. But given the degree to which I’ve been misled in Iraq, this move has a lot of appeal. “
“Why George?” asked his wife, when he tapped her with his elbow.
“I’m glad you asked that, Laura,” he told her. Then, sounding like a born-again American, he admitted, “I know my job is to protect Americans. I used to think that that means kicking butt militarily. Now, I think it’s kicking butt economically, especially before Detroit leaves. It completely shut down and China opens factories in all the non-aligned nations before we get there. So I asked my speechwriters to help me make the transition. I want to tell all the nations, allied or not, and especially the ungrateful in that Fidel fest in Cuba, look here: you want us to help your nation to do better, what are you willing to bet? We accept two forms of payment: money from the rich and loyalty from the poor. “
In an unusual sign of political friendship, Ted Kennedy took a moment of his usual disgruntled boast about one ineffective Democratic defense or another, saying, “As you know, I come from a wealthy family, so I am aware that economic success comes with many advantages. Right now, we are wasting our resources, while other countries eat our lunch. Before the lights go out in America, because we can no longer pay the electricity bill, we must focus on the only something that can make the country successful enough to take care of its own poor, not to mention its potholes, and that is world economic leadership. “
Dick Cheney, interviewed at an undisclosed location while cleaning his quail gun, said: “I’ve been in Washington so long that I almost forgot what it’s like to be a good businessman. This move got me thinking, hey, I’m one of those a guy who can do this well, because what it really takes is business knowledge to run America, Inc.Now that I figured it out, I might even consider running for president in ’08, as long as, of course, my stent resists. “
A well-known geopolitics professor, Fred Fulbright, who is often turned to by the White House for unpleasant opinions, noted: “I am glad that the door to what has been the sadly dark room of official American political thought has at least opened a La People in Washington are beginning to see, even in the strip of light that finally illuminates their vision, that most nations want economic success, even Cuba’s dissidents, and economic success is just what the United States is equipped to do. Help them. Enjoy. Forget the military empire. We have nothing less than the opportunity to be the first economic empire in history. The prospects are, I think, inspiring. “
A variety of CEOs have also stepped forward to back the move. Steve Jobs stated, “It’s about time we started operating this country on principles that are much more likely to win us over a world of genuine allies and, yes, even some of that elusive feeling called gratitude. What we’ve been doing is called setting aside. eyes on the ball or not caring about the store. I can tell you that nothing makes people more appreciative than helping them have a chicken in each pot and an iPod in each ear. “
The arts groups, which immediately left behind the advantages of going from being just another military empire to an exceptionally successful economic empire, were more cautious, with the director of The National Endowment saying: “A country that focuses on economic success has to Ask yourself Question. What do you want to see when you face your own soul: economic barbarism or cultural excellence? That’s my way of saying, as part of all success, I could use a budget. “
The movement, encouraged by the widespread show of early support, hopes to call for a national referendum on the issue, although its members are confident that Gallup, Pew and Zogby will announce the results several times before actual elections confirm their projection.