The other day I got an email from a wife asking for my help writing “a letter to my husband telling him I want to save the marriage.” In fact, I get quite a bit of this request. It can be very tempting to write a letter. You don’t have to worry about being interrupted or breaking down or not communicating what you’re trying to say very clearly. And sometimes, early in the process, a letter can really help you clearly communicate what you want to say, but you have to be careful here. You don’t want to rely on words instead of action. In order to truly save the marriage, you will have to keep your promises. Otherwise, her husband will start to disconnect from you so that no matter what magic or flowery words you put in the letter, they don’t really mean anything if he doesn’t follow through and make real changes. However, in the following article, I will offer tips and advice to help you say the right things in this “save my marriage” letter to your husband.
Describe exactly how you are going to save the marriage in your letter:Of course, your first inclination might be to tell him that you love him and that the way things are going is hurting both of you. You might want to say that your goal is to get back on track so that things are more like when you were dating. All of these points may catch your attention, but this is what you really want to know. This is very important. He really wants to know why things are going to be different this time.
Because he is probably thinking that you are on a troubled path where things don’t really change for the better and that the two of you have lost your closeness, you don’t relate in the same way and you have drifted apart. Now a lot of women will go ahead and make a big mistake here. This is where they will tell you that they promise to “work with him” to save the marriage. And, yes, this is what you will finally have to do. But, in this letter of yours, you REALLY need to think about how your husband will perceive and react to what you are saying.
If what you are proposing is “work”, how receptive do you think he will really be? He may want to save the marriage as much as you do, but if what you’re presenting sounds like a chore and more of the same, he’s probably not as enthusiastic as you need.
What you really want to do is remind her of how magical things used to be between you and then tell her how you’re going to get the two of you back to this place. (Hint: It’s often not “working” on your problems or your marriage.) What you sketch should sound attractive and fun. You want to reconnect with him and introduce more fun and excitement into your life. You want to bond with him for things you both enjoy. He wants to take some risks, shake things up, and relate in new and better ways.
How to give him the marriage salvation letter and how to follow up:Many women simply leave the letter on their windshield or kitchen table after leaving for work. They hope to avoid awkward pauses and/or confrontations. I understand, but I think it’s better if you say a few words to him and give them to him in person. You just want to hold the letter up, look him in the eye, and tell him that you put your feelings in writing because it was easier for you, and that you’d like him to read it when he’s ready.
Once you have read the letter, this should pave the way for more fluid communication. However, it is very important that you follow up on what you have said with quick and decisive action. Words will only take you so far. They can certainly pave the way. But, it is real and lasting action that will truly save this marriage.