When was the last time you sat down as a family and put your fingers together?
If your family attends a regular religious service, you already have many ceremonies and rituals built into your life. These practices not only connect your children to a greater power, but make them feel more connected to you. As you sit in physical proximity focused on a common experience of bonding, your energies and body rhythms align and blend.
Have a deliberate plan for connection
Families without the external structure to come together must be more determined in creating these experiences that will nurture the feeling that their children are woven into a part of the larger whole that is their family.
Of course, playing a game or cooking a meal together as a family are wonderful ways to bond, but some children need something more concrete or visual. That’s why I love the idea of setting aside some family time to do a project that represents the family.
Here’s an idea you could try: Family Placemats
Purpose: To create a visual representation of family memories and values; that each member of the family contributes equally; foster a positive view of both individual members and the family as a whole.
Process:
1. Print or draw several pictures of each family member (pets included!).
2. Create multiple sentence roots and have each family member complete them:
Ex: What I love about our family is _________________________.
We are the kind of family that __________________________.
My favorite family memory is when ___________________.
Our family is special because ________________________.
3. Think of other symbols or pictures that represent your family. Perhaps print photos or maps of where your family is from or what you love to do together.
4. Use markers to write the positive qualities of family members in large print. Are there people in your family who are considerate? Funny? Disciplined? Creative? Hard work? Good problem solvers? Write those things. Don’t give them names. In this case, we are downplaying the individual’s traits and instead showing what strengths this family team has as a whole.
5. Once you have a large supply of supplies, give each family member a sheet of construction paper the size of a tablecloth. Have each person take an item from the pile and glue it to the placemat. Now hand each table mat clockwise to the next person. Again, each person will choose something from the pile to glue to the placemat. Once this is done, rotate it again. Continue this process until each placemat is full and / or the stack of materials has been depleted.
6. Once the glue has completely dried, cover the placemats with clear adhesive paper or take them to your local copy shop to have them laminated.
Benefit:
This project will not only allow you to focus on what makes you unique as a family, but it will be an oasis of time where you will be creating goodwill between yourselves. Even more importantly, by working in the free-for-all style, no one owns a placemat design. Each mat will reflect the developmental stages of your children and will be a mixture of more or less sophisticated endeavors depending on their ages and personalities. (Perfectionism is not allowed here!) Since you have all been involved in creating each one, when it comes to wearing them, family members will be happy to get whatever they have.
Do you think this idea is too cheesy to do with your older children? Think again! Make up an excuse if you have to. Perhaps one of your children is entering high school, or even moving to go to college or get a job. Tell your children that you want to mark this passage and have a way to remember the best part of being a family every day, even as the children grow up and turn outward. Teens may not admit that they enjoy such a family project, but they will secretly treasure it and carry that warm, fuzzy feeling of love and family connection with them.
One last rule! Ban electronics from the table while doing this project. The point is to come together as a family, not for everyone to check Snapchat or Facebook. Your children may complain, but in the end they will be glad they did.
Happy bonding!