What is the one phrase you remember hearing from when you were a little kid? Remember? brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents and teachers all said it equally. He may have been nearly knocked out by another sibling or neighbor child, or may have seen another child get knocked out. But when you ran to tell it, you heard those familiar words: “Don’t be such a gossip. Just go and play.” Meanwhile, the one who would have been denounced if allowed to speak happily left ‘surviving’ with his actions. And no doubt they easily repeated the offense again, and yet another. All because being a gossip was not considered acceptable behavior.
There are extremes to almost everything, of course. But our general concept of the downside of being a gossip is well described in Amanda Rock’s book. Dealing with a Tattletale.
In it, he reminds us of the many pleasant events that indicate a child has become a preschooler, and others that aren’t so wonderful.” tops the list. Dealing with a gossiper is never fun.” We almost always think of gossiping as a negative act and not appropriate behavior.
And it’s true that whether it’s a small thing or a major event, no one is safe around a child. They tell everything! But as Rock writes, there are times when gossip can have its silver lining. However, we may not always think so when we hear what is being said about us.
As annoying as gossip can be, we should want to know that our children have come to an understanding of what is right and what is wrong. And often when we listen to your reports, we can gain a better understanding of your thoughts on a given matter.
Generally, however, the idea is that it is annoying and bad to gossip. So as time goes on we grow into adulthood. And as we mature, we learn to accept the fact that it’s bad to be a gossip. So we resolve our own conflicts. Just ‘let’s play’. In other words, we learn not to bother anyone in authority. We deal with it, or we ignore it.
Today, we call our ability to refrain from gossip ‘politically correct.’ However, often unreported offenses are not just a minor child issue. Such political correctness can often fuel the chances that large numbers of people will be terribly abused or seriously injured, and even killed. We hear these kinds of reports in the media on a regular basis. The people who might as well have avoided the horrible offenses had simply dealt with it by ignoring all the obvious that should have been gossiped before an authority.
However, it must be bad to be a gossip, and political correctness must be a good thing because, after all, we’ve heard it for so long. And most of the time we believe what we have heard over and over again. Edmund Burke (1729-97), an English orator said, “If an idiot told you the same story every day for a year, you would end up believing him.” And the poet George Crabbe (1754-1832) describes the results as: “a habit with him was the whole test of truth; it must be right, I have done it from my youth.”
Think about it. How many things do you do or say today that started years ago with a simple slip of the tongue, or just as a quick and impulsive act? However, no one confronted you about it. So soon you did it again. Then, over time, you did it over and over again. Until finally you never gave it a second thought. Your little voice of conscience was totally silent about it. Now…’The habit with you is all the proof of the truth. It must be right, you have done it since your youth. But what if someone who heard you or saw your little action had gossiped? And you had been forced to stop and think. How different would your life be now?
So is being a gossip, or what we adults can call politically incorrect, really a bad thing? Or have we been tricked into believing a lie?
Miriam-Webster online says that a gossip is simply a report. They report what they know about a particular crime.
On the other hand, Wikipedia states that political correctness (commonly abbreviated as PC) is a term that denotes language, ideas, policies, and behavior that seek to minimize social offense based on gender, race, culture, sexual orientation, disability, and age. related contexts… Someone who is being politically correct downplays the facts in any report he gives about a crime.
So, what is really behind our wanting to be so PC, always seeking to minimize any social offense…? Or rather reporting all the cold hard facts like we naturally did as kids. Could it be that the main reason is that we are simply living the lie that has been drilled into our senses since childhood? What is unacceptable and bad to be a gossip? That being a gossip only shows immature actions that are seriously frowned upon?
To know the truth about any behavior, we need only seek the wisdom of the Bible. Solomon wisely said, if you received my words, and hide my commandments with you,… then you will understand justice, judgment and equity; yes, every good path… Discretion will preserve you, understanding will keep you. Proverbs 2:1, 9, 11.
We can learn discretion and the right path in the Word of God. As we hide it in our hearts, it will tell us in our spirit if something is good or bad, even when it comes to gossip. And one passage of Scripture that would seem to address gossip is Hebrews 3:13: … exhort one another daily while Today is called; so that none of you is hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
Several very important things could be discussed here, but some relate specifically to this topic.
#1, We must ‘deal with’ the conflicts we encounter; We must discuss the offense with the offender.
#2, We must do it daily; We will address the issue as soon as possible.
#3, It is important to do so because your thinking that you are ‘getting by’ with sin can be misleading.
For example: The kid who almost knocked you out – or saw another kid get knocked out – went on his merry way thinking he was getting by with his action. All because the one you would have reported to believe that gossiping was wrong. The results: the offender was disappointed. So over time, he did it over and over again. Until soon his actions became his norm. It became his habit. And habits, unless recognized and broken, tend to stick with us for life. So we must deal with that by talking about the offense to the offender.
But what if they disagree and choose not to stop what they are doing?
In Matthew 18:15-17, we find an answer. Furthermore, if your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him between you and him alone; if I hear you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, he still takes one or two with you, so that every word may be confirmed in the mouth of two or three witnesses. And if he doesn’t hear them, tell the church; but if he does not listen to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a publican.
In the example, the child offended by the one who pushed or shoved etc. must first ‘urge’ the offender. But if the offender does not show remorse or change his action, the child should then denounce the parents, who would take action, so that the offender is not deceived into thinking that his sin is okay. If the offender still continues with the wrong actions, the parents should report to the authorities, etc. (Of course, a child should be taught the differences in types of crimes, knowing that there may be some that need to be reported immediately. Example: If a child sees another child playing with matches in a closet or bedroom, they should not time to ask him to “please put away the matches. It’s gossip time!)
So it seems that being a gossip can sometimes be a good deed. In fact, a proper understanding of being a gossip can lead to a better understanding of our responsibility as a person. Because God doesn’t just provide us with a conscience to help us make our own decisions. He also gives us relationships with family, friends, and as a Christian actually makes us part of his Body of Believers. As such, we must properly address and deal with offenses, but in I Corinthians 8:13, we learn the importance of all our actions. Paul talks about not doing anything that could offend our weaker brother. We can offend someone with our words or with our bad example. But also, we can offend if we stop warning someone (who is currently the weakest) that he is wrong, that he is later deceived in his sin. Wouldn’t we try to prevent someone from falling off a cliff? It may be that in the end, the one not being warned and the resulting deceitful habit of sin may be far more crippling or damaging than if he had fallen off a cliff.
This may be more important than we have realized. For we also learn, in I Corinthians 12:26, that when one member suffers, we all suffer. In other words, we are very responsible to each other, as well as to God. Because our actions or lack of action could, over time, have lasting effects on many people.
A child who grows up hiding wrongs from a sibling or from another person for fear of being branded a gossip may well develop the habit of hiding far more serious wrongs from other people, or from himself.
Talking about our offenses towards and with each other is part of becoming a mature and responsible person. But ratting out (informing) someone in authority can also be very important and, sometimes, it can become the absolute and good responsibility of each person.
We are to be ‘our brother’s keeper’. We must be responsible partners of one another, …exhorting each other every day, so that we are not deceived by the deceitfulness of sin. And while it may not be considered politically correct, it’s still good to be a gossip. © copyright 2010