Deep down, people with addictions know that what they are doing is wrong. They know that their behaviors, choices, and actions hurt them and their loved ones. But the need to feed your addiction supersedes everything else in your life.
To perpetuate their addiction, they must deny that the substance, compulsion, or habit has anything to do with what is wrong around them. This is why they get very defensive when confronted with his behavior. There are a variety of defense mechanisms used by people with active addictions.
Denial
Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person faces a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it, insisting that it is not true. The ability to deny that he or she has such a strong emotional tie to the addiction of their choice is largely what allows an addict to continue the addiction despite overwhelming evidence. The more serious the problem, the more denial there usually is.
Repression
Repression is the conscious mechanism that people with addictions use to completely disconnect from the fact that they have a problem. They simply stop acknowledging the addiction to themselves and to others.
Minimize
By minimizing, people with addictions will recognize that something is wrong but will not want to make a big deal out of it. When confronted with others, they rationalize that others are putting too much emphasis on the problem; which is not as bad as others make it sound.
Toxic shame
People with addictions use toxic shame to avoid taking responsibility for their problem. They see themselves as flawed and never measure up; as if his whole life had been a mistake. They believe that they are victims of their past. Because they feel flawed, they look for something that makes them feel better, but it is a void that they can never fill.
Blame and shift the blame
Blaming is similar to toxic shame in that people with addictions avoid taking responsibility for the problem. They may accept part of the responsibility for their problem, but believe that others are the most to blame. They can act as victims, blaming their addiction on the situation they are in or on the people they encounter. They don’t look at how they contribute to the problem. This gives them a sense of entitlement to use their substance, as it is not their fault to do so.
Rationalization
Rationalization is used to explain the consequences of your addictive behavior or choices. They rationalize that whatever happened would have happened regardless of their addiction. For example: The factors that led to the car accident would have caused it to occur whether he or she was intoxicated or not.
Deviation
When faced with their addiction, addicts can use deviance to distract themselves from themselves. They do this by mentioning the other person’s shortcomings, similar activities the person may engage in, or behavior the person may have exhibited in the past. For example, alcoholics may remind people that they have no place to criticize their drinking because they drink too.
Normalizing
Wanting to feel normal, since they feel so embarrassed by their behavior, they surround themselves with other people who abuse the same substance and have the same level of addiction.
Grandiosity
Most people with addictions suffer from low self-esteem. Aware and ashamed that they are ruining their lives, they use “grandiosity,” the unrealistic inflation of their sense of self, as a defense mechanism to hide their feelings of vulnerability and low self-esteem. They may have low self-esteem and still believe that they are better than other people.
Compartmentalisation
By compartmentalizing their addiction, they can display the behaviors expected of them over periods of time. This misleads them and others into thinking they have control over their lives.
Controller
Those with addictions try to control everything and everyone around them, believing that it will give them what they want. When others don’t cooperate, they become even more controlling. It is delusional; they believe that what they are doing will work even if it rarely does.
Ruin
People with addictions will display destructive behavior and then try to “undo” it by apologizing, offering gifts, or promising never to do it again. They do this to distract others from the real problem; for the fact that they have an addiction.
If you recognize the signs of an addictive personality in yourself, there are steps you can take to prevent it from spiraling out of control.
- You must admit that there is a problem. Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Be honest and objective in your evaluation. Surround yourself with a good support system.
- Learn to cope with your feelings, good or bad. Don’t put them on the back burner, keep them inside, ignore them, or medicate them. Allow yourself to experience the emotions that arise.
- Arm yourself with knowledge; Investigate your problem so you don’t have to fear it.
- If you can stop the addictive behavior without the need for medical intervention, start quitting. Smoking cigarettes and overeating fall into this category. If you are addicted to a substance such as drugs or alcohol, seek professional help immediately. You cannot stop these habits without medical supervision.
- Join a support group with people who share your particular addiction. It helps to know that you are not the only one dealing with it. If you want to try attending a twelve-step meeting, find out where and when they will meet in your area. There are 12-step support groups for every type of addiction imaginable. To find a search “Twelve Step Program List”.
Be kind to yourself. Replace negative or destructive behaviors with positive ones. Set goals and reward yourself for reaching them. Find healthy ways to be happy, whatever they are. Take a class about a hobby or something that interests you. Surround yourself with positive people; Eliminate toxic people from your life. Learn how to reduce the stress in your life in ways that are beneficial to your overall well-being. Learn to meditate. Take long relaxing baths. Take a yoga class or learn to practice it on your own. Take walks. Go to the gym.
If you want to go in the right direction, all you have to do is keep moving forward.