In general, we stimulate our genitals because we are aroused enough to orgasm. Men get turned on before they get to sexual opportunities. Women are supposed to be similarly aroused, so all that is required is physical stimulation. But women are not automatically present like men.
For a person to have an orgasm, they must stimulate their own sexual organ. This is a key misunderstanding of sexual intercourse. Even when a sexual organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover to orgasm. The problem is that men want women to orgasm (get excited about) intercourse.
No one has written an academic paper to explain how a sex toy can give women a responsiveness that they don’t experience in other, more natural ways. There is no research to indicate that anyone can have an orgasm using a vibrator. These are simply marketing claims. It’s a clever ploy on the part of sex toy sellers because, just by buying a vibrator, a woman can ensure that she is capable of having an orgasm. It doesn’t even matter what anatomy you stimulate. Instead of responsiveness being an innate biological response, it is promoted as a purchasable product.
Even men don’t reach orgasm just by pressing a button. For stimulation to be effective, the mind must first be focused on explicit eroticism in such a way that psychological arousal is achieved. This takes time and, in the case of women, often considerable time. Few women appreciate that stimulation only works once someone is mentally aroused. It is women’s aversion to abstract mental fantasy that makes a vibrator so appealing. An appliance gives women something to do. But it’s also clean and devoid of dirty associations that many women attribute to sexual activity. A gadget is acceptable because it can be accessorized and comes in different colors.
Vibrators tend to be modeled on dildos (shaped like erect penises) that were symbols of male potency in the past. This shape suggests eroticism, but it also confuses women into thinking that they are supposed to stimulate their vaginas as a simulation of intercourse. Without a doubt, a dildo is more useful for men who want to experience anal penetration. It is difficult to explain how women can respond to stimulation that does not occur naturally. Despite all the hype, most women never use a vibrator.
For most of our history, there has been no substitute for a penis. Women couldn’t just use a random stick because it would be too uncomfortable. If they used something as everyday as a banana (only in hot countries), then it is assumed that bananas would be associated with women’s pleasure and not fellatio as they are. If a woman wants vaginal stimulation, there are more than enough men willing. Why do you need a substitute?
Naturally, everyone agrees that women’s difficulties with orgasm must be due to inadequate physical stimulation. Perhaps this involvement reassures women by inherently shifting the blame onto men. However, this form of stimulation was only recently invented, more than 200,000 years after the appearance of homo sapiens. It is as if the manufacturers of sex toys proposed a device that allows women, who cannot reach orgasm by natural means, to experience orgasm. But responsiveness cannot suddenly appear out of nowhere.
Responsiveness is a capacity that has evolved. That means our ancestors had to have had a similar ability. It is not possible for modern women to suddenly experience a new physiological response as fundamental as orgasm for the first time in human history. By applying ‘the dog and the ball theory’, we can see that a vibrator does not replicate any kind of natural stimulation. A vibrating device does not reproduce either a thrusting penis or the manual kneading and massaging stimulation of masturbation.
If women were aroused with a lover, they would proactively get the stimulation they need to orgasm. If women needed orgasm, then they would instinctively masturbate using their hands, not because they’ve been sold a trick. The act of buying a vibrator is evidence that a woman is searching for something that she does not naturally experience. It is also a reflection of the political and emotional pressure some women feel that they should be able to orgasm. This is the key reason why men never buy vibrators to help with orgasm. Orgasm occurs in the brain and the physical stimulation is almost incidental in the sense that it is trivial. Once a person is aroused, physical stimulation is provided instinctively.
In the past, witch doctors sold ineffective lotions and potions to an ignorant public desperate for a cure. Today, the sex industry thrives on people’s shame and ignorance about orgasm. If a woman finds that a vibrator doesn’t do anything to her, she has no one to tell. The marketing of these devices is so universal that it is difficult for a woman to question the effectiveness of it. Men do not use a vibrator to stimulate the penis. It’s the wrong kind of stimulation. However, men do not question the use of vibrators by women. Orgasm occurs in response to stimulation that is provided or obtained instinctively. Vibrators do not increase women’s enthusiasm for sex any more than any other technique. Otherwise, the men would run out and buy them.
A rhythmic development of muscular tensions is probably the most important of all the physiological changes that occur when an animal responds sexually. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)